Dog Grooming and Endearing Tips..

After 9 years of working as a professional dog groomer for a veterinarian, I decided to groom from home after my youngest boy was born nearly 2 years ago. My clientel has really boomed in the past 8 months, and I have many repeat customers whom I consider not just clients, but also great friends. I love seeing new faces come in my shop also, some either finding me from one of my signs posted on a nearby telephone pole, or some who have been referred to me by other happy customers.

Now I never expect tips from anyone, my price is my price, but there are those who still tip me on occasion, and not just in cash, but sometimes in little gifts. The gifts sometimes just crack me up!

This week I have recieved two bottles of homemade bar-b-que sauce, and not just ANY bar-b-que sauce..the 9th best in the nation!! A dear client and friend of mine makes and bottles this magical wonder! I was delighted to recieve it and cannot WAIT to slather some on a nice chicken breast or brisket! These same people who gifted me the sauce also needed some hay for some baby sparrows they are fostering, so I gave them a nice flake of goat hay before they left with their two freshly-groomed-for-the-summer westies.

The next neat "tip" I recieved was just today....a hen and a rooster and a 30 pound bag of feed to go with them! LOL! The hens name is I believe Shirley, the roo's name is Fritz! A teenage girl raised them in her bedroom and needed a place to take them once they got too big....and how handy that their groomer also has chickens! The teenage girl and her mother brought their dog out to me for a quick bath and blow dry, and now I have two darling new additions to the barnyard!

I will be sure to give them some fresh eggs from their own hen once she begins laying this fall! The rooster, well...he'll be pardoned from the dinner table, this one is a beauty!

I will try to get pics of the pair soon, I was too tired this evening to get my camera out!

Whimsy At Its Best...

I received a special surprise in the mail today!! My dear Izzy and Dusty helped me open the package, and inside was the most adorable little wall quilt, lovingly made by Isabelle's grandmother and VERY talented seamstress, Grandma Beth!!

It is an apron themed mini-quilt, full of character and charm and SO me!! I cannot wait to place it on my wall for all to see! Her work fills our home on our beds and even clothes for Izzy's favorite doll, and now our first wall piece!

A special THANK YOU to Grandma Beth tonight, I am ear to ear a-grin as I study the amazing stitching and love that went into this whimsical piece of art!!

I just had to share!

And So It Must Be....

As anyone who lives on a farm knows, things (and animals) must rotate in and out, to keep order and a peaceful flow. For example...when a billy goat sires enough daughters, some of the daughters are kept back and the billy is sold to a new farm, and a new, unrelated billy will take its place to breed the entire herd of does. It is how it is done. It applies to many things.

Today on the farm, we said farewell to two members...Snickers the stud pony and Jebediah, one of Winnie's puppies. Snickers sired many babies here, and it was fun to watch them be born, to watch them grow, and to watch the sparkle in the eyes as the new owners stroked their necks for the first time and said "yes! We will take him!"

With Luna being down with her injury, she has not been very happy being away from Snickers, and he has kept her wound up and has caused much uproar for all the mares here. He wants her to run free with him again, and this can't be so. His constant pawing and squealing has kept Luna and everyone uptight and unnerved. I made the decision that it would be best if he found a new home. It was the only way to keep peace in a desperate time of much needed healing. Snickers has had his time here, there are no more babies to raise, his little mares are gone, save for Licorice, Izzy's pony.

Around 1 pm today, a very happy and anxious lady drove out to the farm, trailer in tow, and couldn't have been more excited at the sight of little Snickers. She said he would be perfect for her breeding farm, and within half an hour, we had him loaded in the trailer and off down the road he went!

I must say that the difference has been amazing! Snickers being gone has restored so much peace and quietness here that you could hear a pin drop...or a duck quack....which you're more likely to hear a duck quack first...around here anyways.

Luna is calm, Shunami is a completely different horse altogether, even Licorice has a certain new zen about her. I truly believe Snickers had such a control over them that now they are able to have their own happy little Red Hat Society about them, or Ya Ya Sisterhood. No more man to boss them around.

The paddock is so calm you could meditate out there.

Next to find a home today was Jebediah, Truffle and Winnie's 2nd out of 4 pups. There was John, Jebediah, Abel, and Joe, all Amish named. Joe went to live with Nick Reiter and his wonderful family in Ohio, Abel is at a farm in the town over, and today, Jebediah went to a family in Raymore. I am very pleased with the placement of the pups! Oh yes....John...wellll.....John may just be staying here! He and Joe were almost identical in nature and personality, which was identical to Truffle's. Since Joe is gone, perhaps John needs to stay...hmmm....we'll see....

As for Luna, she and I are vibing much better. She is walking better...still favoring that hoof...but better. I have high hopes!

I am feeling overall so much better than I have the past week....I am feeling optimistic, especially after restoring some peace here. It is happier, and I like that.

Shunami has been very cuddly to me after Snickers has left, I honestly think she is thanking me for relieving her of the nuisance Snickers! He WAS a pain! LOL!

It is always sad to bid farewell to any of the animals, but things grow up or their purpose is served and a rotation must follow, whether they be sold, retired, traded, or even butchered. It is the law of the everchanging farm.

And so it must be.

*sniff* I will miss you Snickers and Jebediah...

Synchronicity..??

Wow. I don't even know where to begin!

As I have been focusing my energy and strength into caring for Luna, I have been doubting my own ability...everything from doctoring to energy work. I have been giving her her daily vetting, and also daily doses of energy....but we have not been vibing well. It has left me drained and cynical.

Until last night's "dream" of the Lodge (entry below this).

I went to Google later today and searched for specific words that would lead me to native american dreams and lore as well as lightworkers, shamanism (etc), to see if I could find meaning in the dream, and I came across a link that resonated so deep within that it seemed like a sharp current zapped me. This little discovery also led me on a strange path of synchronicities within an hour!!

I came across a website where I read about shamanism, and here is an excerpt from what I read:


**"Contemplation

When a shaman has a vision and is shown a sacred object, he or she may decide to go find the object in the physical world or make it for themselves. Anything seen in sacred vision may be brought into the physical plane and used as a shamanic tool or instrument. Some say these vision inspired objects have sacred power. Perhaps it is more accurate to say that these gifts from the world of spirit boost the relationship of the shaman with the spirit world. Seeing or touching the object brings about a memory of the inspired vision which, in turn, recharges the shaman and fills him or her with great emotion and passion. In this way, the objects serve as links or bridges between imagination and realization.

It is best not to lust for spiritual objects. You may get what you ask for, and the cost is the responsibility to take care of these gifts and honor their entry into your world. Spiritual gifts are both a resource and a burden. They must be fed with prayers and offerings. Over the years, Christian shamans have been gifted with many different kinds of spiritual instruments that they use in their prayer, healing, and contemplative practices. For example, I have known shamans who received special crosses, beads, altars, pieces of wood, bells, colored designs, and even shepherd’s staffs."


Now let me just say I am NOT a shaman by any means!! Not even close!

But why that little clip above resonated so deep for me is not only did I have the Iroquois (or what I strongly believe to be Iroquois) dream where I was given something, I then had this little oddity today as well: today I had called my Dad who is nearly full blood native american and of that, Iroqouis Indian. We had a discussion about something he used to carve out of wood that is very important to the Iroqouis, something I will not reveal here. He had felt a calling to carve these pieces, and he did so for many years in the 90's, then stopped. He also had an urge to suddenly collect staffs (which I know some people are staff collectors), he even carved a few himself.

The part above where it says people have been gifted instruments in dreams...I am wondering if my Dad was gifted the ability to make the carvings? I asked him if doing the carvings gave him a heightened sense of awareness, dream visits, or deeper connection with his Iroquois blood...and he said "Not really...only awareness i got was how many stitches a thumb could hold after you drive a carving tool deep into it."

Eeeeghads Dad, ok thanks for your magical Seneca-Cayuga wisdom there. My Dad...NOT a shaman...haha!

Luna's injury is starting to tie into many different little paths of discovery, and for the first time in many days I am feeling a little boost that a few things are starting to make sense, I actually felt "repair" from the inside.

Now, on this same site I had found, I clicked around to some of the other side links, and came across an interesting one called The Art of Toltec Warriorship. I started to read it, and it all seemed very familiar to me. Somewhere, somehow, I have been there before, but I don't remember where or when or how or why. There was mention of Don Miguel Ruiz and also Carlos Castaneda. I had also heard that name before, Carlos Castaneda....but you know when you are not all that interested in something that someone is telling you, or that you are having to read about by either chance or force...and when you aren't really interested in it at the time it doesn't sink in? Infact you couldn't even recall what was just said or repeat anything because you just WERE NOT interested in it?

However, as uninterested in the name "Carlos Castaneda" as I believed I was at the time I was hearing it...I think my brain knew it would be of some significance later in my life...so it put it away in my brain to save for later.

Well, it is later, and my brained has pulled out this lost information because now it knows I am ready to learn about him...and I googled Carlos Castaneda and went to a link which i clicked on.

The most amazing quote I have read was right there infront of me which was:

"Every living thing has been granted the power, if it so desires, to seek an opening to freedom and to go through it. It is evident to the seer who sees the opening, and to the creatures that go through it, that the Eagle has granted that gift in order to perpetuate awareness.

The Eagle's Gift"


It was magic, and I needed to see a quote like that. The synchronistic part of it was...the eagle I had seen yesterday, right about the peak of my despair of Luna and my inability to feel strong enough to heal her, seeing the eagle soar overhead and disappear made me feel lighter and took away the stress of everything I was overburdoned with. I am not saying the Eagle was a "gift", but in a way ...yesit was, and seems to be intertwining with all of these things.

Now, the other part of finding this website of Castaneda (which by the way is simply Castaneda.com), I went to copy that quote to put it here...but it was gone! I realized that the quote flips around everytime you refresh the page. So seeing that quote be RIGHT there after being guided to that site just had me in goosebumps!

All of the quotes ended up resonating with me, and reading about Tensegrity, and I am just wowed and excited and feel a zest for life for once about learning all about Don Juan matus and Carlos Castenda!

All of a sudden, I feel ready to evolve and learn to be confident! Luna needs healing, but I have realized today...I need healing too.

I can't even describe or explain it, but I believe my Luna has brought me to a higher plane in my life. From her accident, to struggling these past few days to doctor her and send her healing energy, yet feeling drained and severly questioning my ability to do this. Then the Lodge dream, then talking with dad, and after all of THAT I then googled answers about the Lodge dream, to ended up at all of the webistes that have led me to me to my resting place of Castaneda, which has boosted my confidence level IMMENSELY!

I am absolutely recharged, and also in awe and wonderment of the day, and I am so thankful that I have learned and grown a LOT in just 24 hours!!

Lodge Dream

What a magical, beautiful moment. I don't quite know how to explain it, but I was laying in bed last night replaying the stressful events of the week. I knew sleep would not come to me quickly. I then began to think about the powers of healing, and wondered if it was all a bunch of b.s. My Reiki guide, Kristy, says it is all in the power of intent, and belief in yourself to do so. Not the belief that YOU are a "healer", but that you believe in drawing down the energy from a spirit source, then through you as the "host", and intending it to go to wherever you direct it. Even though I have been attuned to Reiki level 1 and 2, I have been feeling....not so healer-ific lately.

I laid there in bed, and began to drift off. I don't recall being fully asleep, but I must have been, because I started to see what I believe were Iroquois medicine men before me, but also women as well. It was a Lodge, a dirt floor lodge, it smelled of smoldering fire.. and they had me come in. There were no words spoken when a man opened my hand palm up and put a handful of dried powder in my hand. I don't know what the powder was, but it smelled of herbs and ash. He closed my hand and had me open it again...the powder was gone, but my palm had a mark or spot on the inside, much like an ash Wednesday sort of mark. I had no idea what this was supposed to mean. Next thing I know Luna was there in the Lodge, and I jolted "awake".

I wanted to go "back" but didn't know how. I wanted to finish the dream but I ended up falling back to sleep into nothingness.

I woke up this morning and had forgotten it, until my baby Sam started climbing onto the bed and I was playing baby games with him, the Lodge dream came back to my memory.

I'm thinking the thoughts of Reiki triggered the dream, you know how sometimes you dream about your last thoughts before drifting off. But part of me wonders if I was thinking of finding my spirit source. like Kristy had explained. And the Lodge of medicine men is perhaps my "energy" source?? What WAS the powder put into my hand??

Anyway, it was a beautiful thought, even if doesn't really mean anything in the end. It's hard for me to buy into much here lately, I am finding myself becoming cynical and untrusting and questioning a lot of things, mainly faith in myself. And then I have a dream like that. It confuses me all over again.

Drained...

Two full days of scrambling to get as many clients in for dog grooming as possible before the big Memorial Day weekend has me absolutely, to-the-bone-marrow, drained (and people STILL are calling trying to squeeze in). Plus all of the stressing over Luna, plus all the other chores I have to keep up on.

I feel myself growing dark.

Tonight, Luna was better for getting her bandages tended to. She is in pain, the sweat on her body shows the stress. I gave her some bute, so hopefully that will help. She remains flighty and nervous, which makes things difficult. Any sudden movements and she is trying to flee. She still won't put much weight on her foot.

I dosed her some energy, but I have began to doubt whether I really have it in me to do much good for her.

Tonight, I saw an eagle flying over. My husband and I have seen him before. He soared for a bit, then was gone. For just a moment I forgot about my worries and stress.

Tired.

A "Come To Jesus" Talk...

No amount of Hollywood horse movies could have prepared me for dealing with something like this in real life. Horse Whisperer, Dreamer, none of them.

Luna was sedated when Paul bandaged her up yesterday.

Today it was my turn. All by myself. No sedatives. Crap.

Talking sweetly and approaching softly, Luna cowered in the corner of the corral, her skin crawling with anticiaption of the pain that will come with my presence.

I sat the bucket of bandages and syringes down so as to not spook her any further than she already was. I had never seen her so skittish before. The terror of being tangled in wire was still fresh in her mind, and the urge to flee from my approach was more than she could bear.

She settled a bit to my voice, but not much. It was like she didn't know me, or was too scared to know what I had in store for her. I whispered to her, stroked her neck. I noticed her hair was curling with sweat. I put the halter over her nose and behind her ears and fastened it, then tied her to the tree branch above her head.

I put my hand on her withers so she could feel where I was, and let it glide down her back, over her rump, and down to the leg. She tucked her hoof away from my touch. Ugghh..this was not going to be easy.

I grabbed her hoof and pulled it to me, carefully unwrapping the top bandage. The sound was similar to velcro releasing, and she buckled in fear. "Eeeeasy girl, easy." I said, nervously trying to keep my wits and reflexes about me. A little more unwrapping and she about exploded ontop of me. I fell back and onto my ass, hoping to get out of the way before she blew.

"Whoah girl!!"

My nerves were rattled. I stood up and tried to shake it off, telling myself I could do this. My rattled nerves rattled Luna's nerves even more.

I tried again, reaching down and peeling away another layer, again she spooked away and I lost my grip. CRAP!!

I hollered to my dear Isabelle to run in to the house and fetch me a pair of scissors (carefully), a tool I stupidly forgot to pack in my bucket of first aid necesseties.

I stood by the tree and waited for Isabelle to return, letting my nerves relax a bit. I whispered to Luna, asking her to please bear with me, to let me do this so she can get better. Her ice blue eye stered deep into mine; I could see her fear, her worry, and she could feel mine, neither of us knowing how all of this will ultimately end.

Isabelle returned with the scissors, and I knelt back down to her hoof, soothing Luna as I reached for her hoof. Just needed to cut the loose wrap as it was spooking Luna as it dragged the ground. I got it cut, and proceeded to unwrap some more, but she buckled over me again, this time I thought she was going to rear.
"WHOAH!" I hollered, there was no time for soothing words, I needed to to quickly remind her I was still underneath, within crushing range. She veared away, thanfully, but was still refusing to cooperate with me.

Enough of soothing, I was getting pissed. At this rate, merely unwrapping her bandage was going to take all night just to avoid injury to myself. Luna needed a Come To Jesus Talk, or I was going to get hurt.

"KNOCK OFF THAT BULLS**T!!! ENOUGH!!"

Luna snapped her head up and away at the tone of my voice, but at the same time, collected herself into a tight ball. A tight ball is what I needed, not an unnervy, fidgety 1,000 pound everywhere horse.

I reached back under her, grabbing her hoof, and with another firm tone said "Now WHOAH!!"

I was pissed enough to just get it done, and Luna was listening to the determination in my voice while keeping it together and holding steady.

I got the last layer of bandage off and peeled away the gauze. The sight was enough to make me pass out. I got out the bucket of water and sunk her hoof in it. She retracted her leg out of it as soon as she felt the cold, but then realized what a relief it really was, and slowly sunk it back down.

I had to scrub it, air it, dry it, then salve it back up and rebandage it. A few firm "WHOAH"'s and a couple of"KNOCK IT OFF!!!"'s, and she was freshly bandaged.

Last but not least, an injection of penecillin in her neck, and that was all I could do for her.

I sat down by her hoof finally, and dosed her some Reiki healing. But not just her hoof, I dosed all her chakras, because no deep healing can be done if all of the chakras aren't covered. I felt a sad ache swoop over me, as if I was drained suddenly. But Reiki is not to be draining since I am channeling the energy and not using my own. Still, an inner drain was felt, perhaps the adrenaline from doctoring my own horse up was flooding out. Tears welled up, and I felt myself calling out for any spirits to help me, help me heal this horse. I can't possibly do it alone.

I gathered myself and up to my feet, giving Luna one last hug and kissing her nose, it was all I could do for now. I let her go and I went inside.

I still don't know how this is going to turn out, but I am hoping for the best. She is a wild spirit, and not just saying that for drama effect...she really is. I pray she can get over this.

My beautiful Luna.

Devastated

Heart pounding and hands sweaty, I nervously held on to the end of Luna's rope while waiting for the vet to arrive this afternoon. Seemed like an eternity. My beautiful Luna was down on the ground, and I was too terrified to make her try to get on her feet, I knew the pain was too great.

I could see the blood from her foot...the meaty tissue around her pastern was hamburger, and the flies were feasting on it in a frenzy.

"Please...pleeease...fast forward to 3 months from now and let her be running and happy...please don't let this end the way I think it's going to."

Fifteen more agonizing minutes went on like hours, but finally I saw Paul turn onto our road. His gleaming white vet truck pulled to the fenceline where I stood with Luna down.

He got out, looked over the hood of his truck as he zipped up his lightweight coveralls, and simply said "She's down, that's never good."

My heart sank to my toes, but I held it together anyway.

He grabbed his bucket and gloves and literally, being Tall Paul, stepped over the fencing in one careful motion.

Luna saw Paul approaching, and leapt to her feet, her hoof matted with blood. She was skittish as he went to reach for her, and hugged her huge body into me as if I was going to save her from this terrible man. I soothed her but had to push myself back as she was too large to sit in my lap. She was not about to be touched by him.

The fact that she DID get to her feet was a better sign than being down, but Paul still had a grave look on his face, even though he usually is an optimistic, easy going guy.

He was experienced enough to know just by a glance that she had been caught up in wire.

I about fainted, as it was literally just the other day that I had a horrible preminition about Luna getting injured in fencing, and here it was. The preminition was nothing short of common sense and intuition though...no special psychic powers required to put it together that she loves scratching her ass on the fence to get the winter coat off...that there would be a good possibilty that she would have this happen.

Paul had to dart a sedative into her neck, as she was ready to bolt over me and him both to get away, and make things worse.

Once Luna was feeling heavy, he was able to put his hands on her and asked me if she had been handled much.

I said "Yes, she is a good girl, she just doesn't like you." He got a good chuckle over that. even with a moment of light comic relief, the seriousness of the matter was looming and a black hole sank into my heart.

He scrubbed her hoof down to clean away the dirt and matted blood so he could really see the damage and what the prognosis would be. On the outside I stayed calm, even Paul made a note of it, but I assured him i was about to barf.

He began to carefully inspected the damage, and was able to stick his finger into the hoof.

I thought to myself "Just tell me....tell me we have to put her down so I can let it sink in."

He sat her hoof back down and looked at me. Took a deep breath and I just knew he was going release the dreaded words.

"Just say it...just say it...we have to put her down..."

"It's bad. BUT...I want to be optimistic....I think we can save this."

I wanted to cry, to hug him, to hug Luna, but I remained reserved in my emotions...it wasn't over yet. It won't be over until she is healed, until she is running pretty again in the field. My beautiful Luna. And even still, there is the possibility of having to put her down in the end.

The good news was, nothing was broken. The tendon is damaged, and pretty much everything above her hoof and INTO her hoof is mutilated and hamburger. It is ugly, and Luna is suffering.

"Two months", said Paul. "This is gonna take two months to get her over this...IF we can get her through it. Honestly I was afraid to tell you we would have to put her down, but there is hope, and YOU are going to have to work with her everyday. She has got to stay dry and stalled."

He spent thirty minutes showing me how to bathe her foot, how to clean it, scrub but don't "sandpaper" it, dry it, air it out, salve it up and re-bandage it. Everyday.

I have to give her shots everyday of penecillin, and two grams of bute (horse anti-inflammation/pain killer). I watched carefully, I was a thirty minute vet student.

I then noticed something peculiar about Luna, something Paul said he has never seen in all his days of horse vetting.

Dear Luna bears a mustache. A real honest to goodness mustache. He asked me her breed, I admitted it was unknown, as she was apparently caught running wild with a band of horses as a baby and tamed. Her history of breeding was unknown.

Horses known to have mustaches are usually from larger breeds, such as draft types, Gypsy vanners, Drummers, Friesians, Belgians, and so on. Even a few mustangs have those mustaches on occasion. I will say she does have slight feathering like a Friesian on her legs.

I am in full gear to save my Luna...even if in the end she doesn't heal and we end up having to put her down, I am going to do all I can to save her. She is scared, she is hurting, and I can say that so am I.

My beautiful Luna, please be okay. Sending doses of healing and love...my sweet magical girl with ice blue eyes...

I have come to realize..

..that I am an idiot.

Ok maybe not a complete idiot, but close.

I have been battling some issues that I realized I have always had...but became much more clear to me that it IS an issue over the this past weekend.

For whatever reason, when I am in a situation where I either feel intimidated, or I am around others who are very confident of themselves (which is intimidiating) and the words they are speaking...I choose to not speak up. Especially if the topic of what they/he/she is discussing is something I am familiar with and could chime in with my two cents (and say something smart, maybe even actually brilliant) at any given time throughout conversation...I choose not to. Instead I keep quiet and pretend I have no thoughts on the matter, when infact I am bursting inside.
I'm wondering why I do this, and am coming to the conclusion that it must be that I am afraid of interrupting someone, or offending, or that possibly I am afraid of opening my mouth and saying something stupid, or sounding like a know-it-all, when I certainly do NOT know it all. I think it's a little bit of everything all wrapped into one.

I knew I always had this self inflicted handicap, but it became a deep realization that it's a serious problem when I was around a very dear friend of mine over the weekend. He is a brilliant scientist, and although we are great friends, I am scared to death of speaking out around him on topics we have become friends over....the paranormal and other mysteries.

He was discussing the old theories of ghost hunters, those that go back as far as the 1800's...and I sat silent, acting like I had no thoughts on the matter or even knew who these people were. After we parted...I was disappointed at myself for having such fear of speaking out. Truth of the matter is, I had written papers in my college days about the history of ghost hunting from 1800's to early 1900's, I knew who some of those people were he was talking about. I wanted to say "Oh yes! I wrote on that topic 15 years ago" and we probably could have had an intelligent conversation...but I sat silent and "dumb", afraid to to speak my thoughts. Although I have no fear of ghost hunting or coming up with my own theories in my brain...I can only put them down on paper, because I can't seem to speak outloud and openly on any theories I have....because I can't possibly have anything smart or worthy to say. There were so many times I really wanted to add my 2 cents out loud..but I didn't. Instead I just nodded my head and and said "oh, that's nice, that's interesting."

I do the same thing around horse people. I sit silent and dumb around those who know horses. They start in on training tips or advice, and I keep my mouth shut, even if I don't agree or have other views. You'd think I never owned a horse in my life. I can talk about horses with non-horse people...and I can talk paranormal with non-paranormal people (you have to to be able to talk and give your thoughts to your clients)....but when I am in the same group, I keep my mouth shut.

I remember 15 years ago when I was investigating the Joplin Spook Lights, and the hours upon endless hours I spent out there calculating and logging the weather, temperature changes, time of the night, on and on and on..and then running into another group of investigators who were also studying the phenomenon. They were in a white van and it was a group of them, they had their cameras set up and they looked so professional to me. I thought they must be real scientists with badges and things. At that time in my life I had no idea there were other groups out there doing what I was doing, because I thought paranormal investigators were true college educated people with a degree in ghost hunting and technology. I was wishing I could talk to them, but I already had it set in my brain that I was not good enough to approach them....that they were far and above my "intelligence". I had no college degree so i was not of their caliber to speak. Even though they were doing a lot of similar things that I was doing, they just looked much more technical doing it, and therefore I couldn't possibly have anything of interest to them, so I avoided them. That was the mentality I had. i just didn't know.

I saw them again another night...and I finally climbed out of my shell a bit and spoke to them, and come to find out, they were very interested in my findings. Next thing I knew, I had out my notebook, and we were comapring notes. Still though, I was too intimidated to speak much, because I had it figured that I had nothing of value to say out loud, they MUST already know anything *I* had to say.

So...to that group of 15 years ago on Spook Light Road in the white van...if you're out there...do you remember the shy, tall blonde gal in a crappy 4 door Sunbird?? Well, that was me. LOL!

This is no else's fault but my own, and no one in the world can come to my rescue and build up my confidence to pull me out of this silent shell I have enclosed around me. It is something I need to work on and do for myself. I need to stop being this shy little thing with no voice. I am not afraid of being corrected or critiqued, because I actually love that...I love to be shown new ideas and new ways of thinking, I love it when someone says "OK but how about you try it this way" or "Let's consider this as well"..I just can't think or imagine that *I* can possibly teach or show anyone else something new, especially old pro's, either paranormal "pro's" or horse "pro's" or ANYthing on that matter.

So, my new goal is try to overcome my fear of speaking out. I don't know if I can...but I am going to try. I do know I have trouble putting my thoughts into words, yet I can type all day and put down exactly what I mean on paper (or, ahem, screen).

So, there it is. My big fat issue! LOL!

Cowboy Church

About 15 minutes south of us, way out in the country over on the Kansas side, there is a magical little place we go to on Tuesday nights called Cowboy Church.

It is just that, a gathering for ol' cowboys and country folk and farming ma's and pa's who still live the old values and whose hearts are filled with simple gentleness and love. They gather every Tuesday night and sing and worship together, and it is the warmest, most darling gathering I have ever been honored to be a part of.

They have a band every week, they play the old gospel tunes which can really get the place clapping and singing. The hope and faith that go into those words and music are some of the most endearing I have heard.

The pastor is a big chap..a good ol' boy...with cowboy hat and belt buckle, in his late 50's I'd say, maybe early 60's. He believes no service should last a minute longer than an hour, and by gum it's true, but in that 60 minutes a lot of prayin', singin', and hopin' is done, and you can certainly feel the positive, warm energy flow coming out of that little place.

Last night was another potluck night, but we arrived late for that but in time for the service to begin. The pastor had invited the Clowns for Christ to come and do their little show, and it was this absolutely adorable retired husband and wife team; ancient little couple, all done up with their wigs and face paint and little 15 minute act. The kids gathered 'round on the floor and watched them perform a balloon popping stunt, then they did a neat little magic trick which incorporated a Bible lesson for the kids, then the "Ma" Clown did some ventriliquism with her rabbit puppet named, of course, Rebeccah. It was all so cute, and they sang one of the best childhood christian songs ever...Jesus Loves me This I Know. I could have cried at how sweet it was, watching my baby Sammy clap his hands, and Dusty and Izzy watching in delight.

We had a great time, and now that Izzy is no longer in karate we can finally attend regularly each week.

It's a small church, maybe 70 people tops, but it fills the place, and not just with "people". It is filled to the brim with the old values, faith, homecooked potlucks, old songs, gospel singing and clapping, warmth and charm, friendliness and togetherness, and is some of the most genuine downhome sweetness that you just can't get in those (no offense) big city "mega" churches with their attached coffee shops and book stores and half a dozen different age grouped Sunday school classes. I have been to one of those, and with 2,000 people crammed in a huge fancy theater-type auditorium...I still didn't feel the warmth, energy, glow, charm and prayin' like that which comes out of our little teeny tiny Cowboy Church.

The Cowboy Church, rounding up souls for Jesus...

And all in exactly 60 minutes.

:)

Fishy day

Darin and his buddy caught a half dozen or so bass last night, and then Darin went out this morning and caught 20 more.

I gutted and cleaned part of them this morning, tonight I get to finish the rest. I've had them packed down on ice. Slimy stinky fish guts.

Catch a Fairy, Make a Wish

Tonight there was little wind, the moon coming up was almost full, and no bugs. I sat on the front porch swing, as the sun went down. Truffle taking a lick at my bare toes.

I heard a humming and looked up to see a big bumblebee hovering over my hanging flowers. No wait...it was a hummingbird! Awww!
It went from petal to petal drinking up the nectar. It was near dark, and I could barely see it flittering about.

Very quietly I stood up from the swing, crept up on the flower it was busy tending to, and ever so gently cupped my hands around him without even a startle. I made a wish, and let him go faster than I had caught him. I barely felt his wings against my hands nor did he even have a chance to get a panic in his hum before I opened my hands and he was flying away, and only to go on to the next pot of flowers.

That is the second time I have caught a hummingbird with my hands, the first one was let go as quickly as well, but he was caught up in a screen, and so I set him free very carefully.

It is late but the house still smells of warm pecan pie, and so I am off to slice a piece and then go to bed!

Fairy dreams!

The Fishin' Hole

Just a quarter mile down the road lies a secret place.
The fishin' hole! Ahhh, wooded and private and wonderful!

No malls or busy traffic for me, thank you very much!
Just me, my horse, a persistant poodle, and a fishin pole!

I'd much rather sit by that water and pick off ticks and smack away biting flies than deal with fighting for a parking space in the city.

The fishin hole!!

Pack me a sammich (I'll throw the crust to Truffle), a jug of water, and oh yeah..bait would be smart, I reckon.

Shunami can graze on prairie grass. Truffle can nap in the shade.

Just a quarter mile down the road, the best place in the world.

I'll be back by sundown. You bet.

Simple life, simple things

That is all I want.

The world may have their greed and fame, their dark mysteries, and their constant bickering.

I wish for quaint and simple.

Goats, going barefoot in the garden, wuffle pups, kids in red wagons, eggs, soapmaking, supper, and fishing holes. These are my comforts. Yes.

Life cannot go without drama, this is for certain. But may it be quick and forgiving.

Be humble.

I shall celebrate the simple things and make root beer, can vegetables and jams, make bread and goat cheese, listen to the gentle flapping of the clothes out on the line, and most importantly watch and guide my children as they grow. I can't think of anything else that could matter more to me.

And that's all I know for today.


:)